Thursday, April 8, 2010

aller de l'avant

It's been since forever, hasn't it, darling?

Seems I got lost along the way. Lost myself. Lost my space, my voice, my forever forward direction. Most of all I lost my spirit, which is the saddest thing. Oh darling, I fell right from center, or perhaps left. Either way, it's been all rather tragic. Horrid things just seemed bigger than my existence and left me swamped in looking at myself, of which you know I absoluetly abhor and haven't the time for.

That effortless grace I possessed that glided me cross the shores of life, that endlessly opened experiences that dug deep into my soul and caused me a richness of love from others and such just seemed to vanish much like fall into winter. Ever so quickly, quietly, slowly, bare and fast; colours fading their glory days of summer into barren valleys of snow trapped in a cold harsh shadow.

Rotten spot to be, darling. No doubt. And I certainly can say that I've never been happier to know I don't have to pack up that suitcase of trash and carry it with me into the bright days before me.

I argue that with no indication of a significant complication up ahead I should be able to see my spirit regain itself and once more take flight above all obstacles and set itself to great heights above past tragedies. I shall simply highlight my eyes with my tortise shell Chanel shades blocking the sun and paint my lips in Christian Dior's Blazing Red and walk one pointed Christian Lacroix sharp heel in front of the other to keep moving forward, which the French say so lovely:

aller de l'avant

Anyhow, darling, I did take a rather extended holiday in Ireland to release my misery into the ocean blue and attend Mass daily to pray to God that my soul be healed and my life restored in His grace. Soon I shall write all the small moments of that wonderful holiday, but until then I think most important is to bring you to date about the man I'm just mad for. Love him like no other before.
Tomorrow, darling.