ALL THE PRETTY HORSES AND PENIS SONG

There's so much to tell, darling, and like always, it just seems there never is enough ME to go round. Ever and always darling, the push and the pull of my frantic life at times finds me wishing there was no more of this and that; but, then that's impossibly not true, as I'd surely just die a fast death if the Post weren't always in wait of my latest and most intriguing news flash and compelling stories.

And, first darling, just to set you straight so you know: Patrick is no Lord Byron. No romantic poet. God love him for trying, but his passions never can reach heights such as mine. Still, I'll be kind and allow him the grace of accompanying me when I travel to Spain for the American torture trials. Oh, wait. Should that be the other way round? Was I to accompany him? Truly darling, does it matter? Things such as this are simply too terribly dull for me to contemplate, let alone figure and decide on what is right and wrong. Thank God we're not Amercians darling, or we'd have to analyze the whole damn thing and call it a "situation".

Mr. Obama is speaking "100 DAYS" from a town square in MISSOURI tonight? Tell me it's not true, darling. Couldn't they have found a more posh setting? Say a quaint little place in the Hamptons? Why do Ms. O. and him keep insisting on statements that speak: "We're ONE and the SAME; YOU, ME and the PEOPLE", when I just read in USA Today that Michelle's wearing Kate Spade? Are people of Missouri not only capable of relating to the fashion design's of Ms. Spade's, but can afford her steep prices? I mean, are they aware of her penchant for pinks and lime green? Colours like that can be awfully expensive.

For gosh sakes, what the hell's in Missouri? Maybe the President wants most to reach the ancestors of "Little Dixie" where farmers and planters once held 20 or more slaves? Who knows? It's America. They'll buy anything, even more so if it's supersized. Even when they're broke or Ms. O. is wearing it!

Louie Louie, oh no, Me gotta go, Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said, Louie Louie, oh baby, Me gotta go....
King Louis, St. Missouri.
Can I call that a parallelogram?

Speaking of figures of speech darling, my dear friend, Mr. Long, sent me a cablegram early this morning replete with a penis song! Is he not the scream? Remember darling, he was at Eton with Nicky Halsam, and the two of them always were so bloody full of good humor, if not completely full of themselves.

A penis song! Have you ever? Too much.

Anyhow, darling, Lizbeth's wired me there's tragic news in Northern Ireland with ALL THE PRETTY HORSES. The economy's gone so tragically bad that not even the wealthy are able to keep their thoroughbreds alive, let alone in good shape so they can compete at the racetracks. And the worst of it all, darling, is THEY'RE BEING SLAUGHTERED FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! You can imagine, just how distraught Lizbeth is. I might well just break down for my own bloody good cry. I've just got to banish the thought, put up a good chin and carry on.

So, just as soon that I've finished my stay in France, I'll hurry to N. Ireland and see if there's something I can do to help our PEOPLE and HORSES. The news, is simply beyond devestating to me darling, and I'm not quite sure what's the best thing to do; though I simply cannot and completely refuse to idly sit by and watch this tradegy unfold. I've MUST do something, I simply must.

Oh darling, what's this with Chinese promoting the whole world go vegan because meat of all sorts is the true cause of global warming? Not eating meat will slow the spread of swine flu to keep it from growing into a full pandemic and save us from ourselves? What? Where for God's sake do people read their news or come to their "OWN"conclusions?

I feel as if I need to do a broadcast speak of some sort of my own. I mean, truly. A chinese lady who sang with a punk rock band in London and once was sad, now is at peace and HAPPY since she's gone vegan? Her new HAPPY song is titled: Wake Up My Love.
Darling, she's been reported as saying that meat sells have risen 5 fold since gawd knows when, and this is the truest of our troubles. What, again? Someone ship her some rice, noodles, just anything, please.

And tell me, as I'm too worn out to figure everything on my own, but, tell me why people don't just cover their mouths and turn their heads when they cough? How many times must I repeat that good manners surely will see you through most anything, even a little pig flu?

Darling, I truly am so done with world news, heads of state and the common people, that at this very moment I haven't a care one little bit about anyone's troubles. I'm dialing up room service for champagne and then some. I'm more than spent. Horribly and totally exhausted from so much of the world's worries.

STOP THE PRESSES. I'VE JUST CHANGED MY MIND.

First I need have my driver carry up my corona no. 3, as most likely I think I pretty well can type in the bath!

And, it's gonna be HOT TYPE tonight darling, because I'm simply mad on too many stories to ever give up. I've just had the most wonderful of ideas, if not a bounty full of fresh thoughts!

best to you, darling,

-Jacqueline