BEAST OF BURDEN

Have you seen the latest from Dolce & Gabana? Oh darling, it looks, well it looks quite much the same as Michelle O.'s own flawed attire in wearing cardigans with sleeves of a gawd awful criss-cross print thrown over a blouse with a big bow and the most obnoxious of wide belts worn up high right under her breasts! What has happened since I last thumbed through Vogue? Truly darling, who is imitating whom? D&G or Ms. O.? And heavens, truly what does it matter since the statement itself speaks nothing of chic, let alone classic, as it's most certainly a look I never ever would be seen wearing on the street, let alone a charity event.

Oh, perhaps that's the point: relating to the PEOPLE at a charity event or out on the street that a mix match of utterly deplorable clothes is considered chic! And what's with those white smushy like gloves she's seen wearing? It just doesn't look good, let alone proper. I know darling, I'll dial Nan K. to see if she can run to the White House and find any pieces of sense in the private closets of Ms. O.'s.

Myself? Well darling, today I chose to wear my fit-to-order Hereme's light wool oatmeal coloured suit. You remember darling, the one that looks smashing with my fresh water pearls, three strands, if you please; topping it off with my most favorite made-to-order alligator pumps. Not to worry, they weren't sewn from a baby, but a vicious old gator we shot on safari.

HE WAS A BEAST OF BURDEN.

So, no tears, please. As I know how you're so all about animal rights and the like. Darling, he had dead written on his tail from the first moment he snarled at me. I've become such the good aim now, don't you know? What with going on safari in my custom made Land Rover and all those wonderful natives who've shown me how to handle a gun as if it's my right. You see darling, in Africa we don't bother with bills on the right to bear arms. We all get to shoot, you just have to own the right vehicle is all.

Yes, I know darling, you've warned me time and again that the du Pluexs are no entertainment at all. Though they simply adored my new Pirate fashion idea, of which I wired my article straight to the Post before making my appearance in the lobby this afternoon. Oh, did I mention how truly fond my driver has become of me? Well, he surely needn't stop traffic for me to cross the avenues, as I do that quite well myself, thank you; but, oh how he'd just do anything for me, even lugging that corona no. 3 anywhere I may want, should I have a brilliant story that need go over the wire A.S.A.P.

Anyhow darling, though the du Pluex's find me more than entertaining. I do not them. I said my pardons just as fast as I could, ran to the Embassy and requested my traveler cheques, then dashed over to Louis Vuitton to spend it all! Everyone was utterly divine to ME. I even chose several English equestrian outfits, as I might enjoy riding in the Scottish Highlands tomorrow. And the quality, darling, well, the quality simply speaks for itself. The boots (from the finest English leather tanners) and the derby caps, not to mention the jackets and riding breeches simply reek "BEST", and leave nothing to the imagination of how smashing I shall look riding a high-spirited steed.

Darling, I've simply worn myself out and these alligator heels are killing me, you know. Once my driver drops me at the HOTEL DE CRILLON and carries up all my new purchases, I'll splash about in a big bubble bath before I delve into and lose myself completely in all those sumptuous equestrian leather smells spread out over the bed.

Well, I may even wear my derby cap with front button and bring the riding crop to my bath just for practice, you know? I'll whip and wally naked, just for the sport of it all.

Oh, here's where we say, "Tally ho!", isn't it darling?

Is it the Pirates who say, "Aye, mate!"?

I'll simply practice both in the bath and then let you know.

au revoir-

-Jacqueline